This is Lunchmeat. Lunchmeat is a good name for a cat, along with StreetPizza,
which is the name my next cat will get. Lunchmeat is smart enough to answer to his
name. He can open doors with handles, but he does not often use the handle, preferring
to pry it open with his nose. Further experimentation proved that a cat's head can
indeed serve as a door wedge(1), however this is not recommended because it is far
from permanent.
Lunchmeat is so smart that he has come to realize that he need not spend the energy to flee anything he fears. If he proves sufficiently unresponsive, it will go away. The only exception to this rule is the washing machine because it contains water and soap; anathema to a cat. The dryer is an ally beause it produces soft, warm beds for him to lay on.
As you can see, Lunchmeat is black when you look at him from above. He likes to lie across doorways and trip humans at night. He thinks that is funny, but you never catch him laughing. I made my bed (I mean I built it) and since it's got about 3 feet of clearance, Lunchmeat can hide undeneath and attack my feet as I walk past. He plays attack the feet until the human plays attack the cat. Then the game isn't fun anymore.
At 23 lbs, Lunchmeat can sleep on your leg and cut off your circulation. Do not bother swatting at him and saying "Move, cat" you will be ignored. It is a not-very-well-known fact that cats are fluent in human, but humans are expected to learn to speak in cat.
Here is a shot of Lunchmeat sleeping. You'll note that Lunchmeat is a black cat and that the room is quite dark (it being night and all).
1: Note to SPCA, no cats were used as door wedges, or any other sort of wedge, living or otherwise